Do Your Homework
Spend time getting to know different cultures
that are in your area. Look up census data online to help you
to get a general
idea of what nationalities are nearby. (See the websites
listed in the sidebar.) Then when you “by chance” meet
someone from one of those groups, you will at least have
a couple things to say that will connect with them, and let
them know that you are interested in their country and culture.
These people are proud of and very connected to their home
country. They actually appreciate your interest in their
country and culture as much as or more than your personal
interest in them. Read articles and books, cook their foods,
and learn a couple words in their language. Then when you
meet one of them and connect, BAM! He realizes you have an
interest in his identity.
Be Willing To Learn
Ask them questions about their country and their
way of doing things. Even if they are from a country you know
almost nothing
about, show an interest. They may be glad to teach you,
and then you will be able to use that knowledge with others.
Ask about their foods, and tell them you would like to
try
them. (In most other cultures it is not impolite to “fish” for
an invitation.) It may be that they have not yet asked you
over because they figure you wouldn’t like their food.
So you may have to make the first move. Ask about their family
back home (if applicable). Tell them you are interested in
traveling to their country, unless that’s a lie. (For
me, it never is. I want to go to all these countries! They
love to fantasize with me about it, telling about their uncle
in the big city that would greet me at the airport, their
grandma in the village I could stay with...) And who knows?
Maybe God will open a door for you. Those contacts are invaluable
if you ever do get an opportunity to go to that country.
Establish Common Ground
How do you meet a total stranger with whom you
have little or nothing in common? I suggest you study some
of their culture
and learn about recent events. Without it, friendliness
alone might not pull you through, though a good dose of friendliness
does a lot! Often you can connect without specifically
talking
about their country. For example, if you meet a man from
Cameroon, mention what you do know about another country
in the continent of Africa. If you can, tell him you had
a good friend who spent some time in Ghana. I’ve had
whole conversations start from simply talking with interest
even just about their region of the world or nearby places.
They will be glad to sense that your world isn’t as
small as the average American’s. Remember, you are
trying to establish a point of relationship. Be relaxed and
friendly--you have nothing to lose! Hopefully you know something
about that country so you can build a connection with them
and gain their confidence. If not, find a way to be enthused
about it and let them know that you are genuinely interested
in their country. The first conversation opener, though awkward,
can be turned to your favor if used with warmth and genuine
interest.
Greetings
When greeting internationals, speak clearly.
They are used to hearing a quick “hey-howsitgoin?” from most
Americans who don’t really care to know the answer.
Very few American give them more than a quick “Hi” or “What’s
up?” Use longer and more respectful language like “Good
afternoon, sir. How are you today?... I am also well. How
is your family?” and so on.
“Do You Live Around Here?”
You will need a tactful way to find out if they
are a newcomer, where they are from, and if they have been
here for many
years. They will at first be hesitant to share this information
with a stranger, and don’t like to be viewed as foreigners.
Find a way to ask it politely with a question like: “Do
you live around here?” Then be quick to give a positive
response to their hesitant answers.
Address & Phone Number
It may not always be possible, but try to get
their address and phone number to keep in touch with them later.
Don’t
be rude if they hesitate. If they’re looking at you
suspiciously, then keep being friendly and try to build more
common ground. Or drop it with a pleasant goodbye, and pray
to meet them in the future. One thing that often works for
me is first volunteering to give them mine. I carry small “business
cards” with my phone number and address, and graciously
encourage them that I’d love to hear from them. Even
if I lose track of them, they still have a way to contact
me and can be reminded by looking at the card. When they
do call I always thank them and reassure them that I don’t
mind at all, but in fact am thrilled that they did so.
T - I - M - E
This may be one of the more important points.
Their different perspectives on time make it difficult to ever
have meaningful
contact with Americans or integrate into society. They
are used to Americans being too busy to pay them any
attention.
Friendship is not an American trait, and something we
need to re-learn. You will need to lay aside your American
views
of time and efficiency. They may call you at strange
hours, or want to have you over at odd times like for supper
at
8 p.m.! You will not be able to build good relationships
with
ethnic people if you try to tightly squeeze it into your
schedule before running on to the next thing. When
you go shopping at
Wal-mart, plan an extra fifteen minutes just in case
you meet someone.
Help Them In Practical Ways
You need to get to know them well enough to
find out the issues with which they are grappling, and help
shape their response.
Remember, the whole culture here is bombarding them with
new thoughts and ways. Maybe their landlord is upset with
them, and they can’t figure out why. It’s not
unusual for them to be struggling to understand the culture,
immigrant paperwork, bills, and language. They may simply
nervous about how to go about getting mail service at the
post office. Is snow coming? Show them how to deal with it,
and help them buy a shovel. Be warm and helpful. Offer to
take them somewhere or introduce them to someone. Where they
come from, connections are everything. If they are having
a hard time with these practical things, they would love
it if you would show them how to do it and help them deal
with situations they face. They need to sense that you genuinely
love them and that they are not a project. If you ignore
their felt needs, it will be very hard for them to focus
on what you want to share into their hearts.
Teach English
Offer to let your friend come over to your house
once a week and help him with his English language. Have him
write down
all the words and phrases during the week that he doesn’t
understand, and then go over them together. Teaching English
could open the door for regular contact and meaningful friendships.
It will also help them with one of their greatest needs.
Effective ministries have started through small ways like
that. Opportunities are there if we look for them. For example,
consider those who work in the local Chinese take-away.
Learn Another Language
If you are a single young person, I really encourage
you to put some time and effort into this if at all possible.
Maybe
you could start with either Spanish or French. There are
millions of Spanish speakers here in the USA, so you would
use it quite often. French will also open many doors. I’ve
found that a basic knowledge goes a long way with many West
Africans. Since many immigrants tend to stick to their own
cultural groups, it’s not uncommon to meet people that
have been here for four years but still can’t speak
much English at all. Put the effort into it and you will
not regret it. Also, you could learn several words of greeting
in various languages. Say “hello” to the Chinese
man in Chinese. This can quickly crack the ice and go a long
way.
Shop At International
Food Stores
The best place to meet these people has got
to be an ethnic grocery store. These little stores are pungently
aromatic,
crowded, and filled with loads of food that you have no idea
what it is. They are also good places to learn about that
country. By looking at the foods on the shelf you may be able
to get
an idea of what ethnic minorities are in your area. Buy some
of the foods, go home, and learn how to cook them. Ask them
how to do it and take advantage of the pride they have in
their own culture’s food. Ethnic peoples feel at home in these
stores, and you are now the odd one in their environment. That
is good.
Also just be aware that Indian food stores usually
have a rack of filthy movies filling up the whole wall(s) and
may
not be
a good place to go, especially with the whole family.
A good way to find these stores is by looking
in the yellow pages. Look under the grocery section and notice
the names
that sound foreign. An internet yellow pages search will
also help you locate them. Ask at one store where others
might be.
Also, you could search stores by the cultural group,
e.g., “African,” “Oriental,” “Halal
meat,” and “Middle Eastern.” If it is a Muslim
business, you can probably find it on Islamicfinder. (See the “Resources” box
on the right)
As you go to these food stores, one thing I want
to emphasize is: be in prayer beforehand. And don't be in a
hurry. Ask the
Lord to lead you to people. Incredible things can happen if
you go to a store prayed up. A couple months ago I decided
to take a day off and go down to Philadelphia. Before going,
I looked through the yellow pages and found several ethnic
grocery stores to stop in. Having just returned from a month
in Southeast Asia, naturally my attention was attracted that
direction. I told the Lord: "I don't know where I'm going,
or what I'm doing, but I put my hand into Yours. You lead me."
Surprised to find a store specializing in goods
from the particular country I had just returned from, I stepped
inside out of the
cold. It was as though I had just stepped right into that country
as the language flew back and forth. The store owner was friendly,
and as we made small talk, he informed me that there were hundreds
of his countrymen living within a few blocks in that area of
the city. I was impressed, but mentioned to him that I would
really like to meet a man from the particular tribe and area
I had visited—if he knew anyone. After thinking for a minute
he said he might know a few.
Hardly a minute later a fellow from that group walked in!
The owner quickly called him over and we had a nice little
chat for over an hour. Then he also invited me to follow him
over to his house to meet his wife and three small children.
They are a sweet little family, and we had a pleasant visit.
I learned that they only know of maybe six other families from
their people group in the city. There are a few more in other
places, and they invited me to join them for their once-a-year
get-together. Is that an open door?! I returned home amazed
at the Lord's leading, knowing that I had met just the right
person, and that he had stopped by to pick up his bag of rice
at just the right moment!
This particular people group of three million souls has fewer
than fifty Christians, most of whom don't live in their home
province. Think about it: Here is a people group with almost
no true believers, yet within not much more than an hour's
drive from here, there are several dozen of this group. Beloved,
who will care enough to shine a Light into their lives? If
we're concerned for them enough to go halfway around the world,
do we also have a fraction of that concern to go drive an hour
to meet them? What are our motives as we travel to other countries?
Let us not overlook these things, as in the drawing of the
man with the binoculars.
